i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
