i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hippo gnu deer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
