She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
