So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
