Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
