I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
