the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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