She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
