you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
where are you?
Hypothermia
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
