I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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