Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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