Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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