i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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