ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
