This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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