Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
