I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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