It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
