she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
