i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize