I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
