all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
