okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
