..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
