The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
