Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
