are you still at the devil's house?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
