So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can you bring me the toilet please
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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