last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
