Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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