do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
