Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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