Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
