Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
