I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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