His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
