I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
