This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
