very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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