May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Someone came in the potted fern
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
