We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
