Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
