i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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