I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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