i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
