I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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