So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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