Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
