next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
