3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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