Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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