So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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