I think my vagina is haunted
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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