My sheets look like a crime scene.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A bitchslap is in order.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
