i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
