Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
