if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
