Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize