It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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