sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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