When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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