I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
