I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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