Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
