Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
