u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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