my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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