i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
