you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
