no, he came in my armpit
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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