you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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