you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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