if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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