I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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