awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
