You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
