I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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