First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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