I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No subtext here. People are naked.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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