you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
