Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
