you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
