it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
