win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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