who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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