just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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