no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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