i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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