I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
