dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize