My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize