Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
