I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
