Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
